'He had no intention of going': Introvert is hurt that his BF didn't invite him on trip, BF says it 'doesn't make sense'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 11, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

Although this couple has been together for a while, they seem to have some communication issues that need addressing. 

In a post to r/amiwrong, a guy going by the name u/blunderous wrote to get some opinions on the relationship blunder he's currently going through. Basically, the OP travels with a few friends annually to hang out, and this time, he's traveling to two different cities. Instead of asking his introverted BF if he also wanted to come along, the OP just assumed he didn't want to go. The OP even booked a flight before mentioning it to the BF! In his defense, the OP claims that he assumed his BF wouldn't want to go at all. But then he's surprised that his BF has hurt feelings. 

The introverts of Reddit appeared in the comments to come to the BF's defense. They talked about how they appreciate being invited to events, even if they're certain they can't or won't go. I'm stunned that the OP could plan the trip and buy plane tickets without any mention at all to his BF. Even if couples travel apart, as the OP wrote, you should still probably give your S.O. the head's up that you'll be flying off to a trip with your pals for a few days. 

After you scroll through this story, click here for a story about an influencer who tried her hardest to get some free stuff. 

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 9762207744
    via Nick Fewings on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - r/r/amiwrong. Posted by u/blunderous My (M36) boyfriend (M37) is hurt that I didn't invite him on a trip even though he had no intention of going. Is he right to be hurt?
    via u/blunderous
  • 03
    Font - A small group of friends and I (M36) from college usually try to meet up once a year to hang out and see each other. This year in June, we're meeting up in Philadelphia for a couple days (where one of my friends live). In addition, since I'll be "in the area", I was going to spend a couple days in Baltimore where my best friends live to see their baby (I'm the godfather).
    via u/blunderous
  • 04
    Font - So I booked my plane tickets the other day and then my boyfriend (M37) of almost 2 years tells me that he's hurt that I didn't invite him to come along. He never said anything about wanting to come on this trip whenever I talked about it and he only brought it up after I booked my tickets. And then he goes to say that he probably wouldn't have wanted to come anyway because of two reasons: 1)
    via u/blunderous
  • 05
    Font - He doesn't know any of my friends in that small group and he's a bit of an introvert, and 2) he understands that couples don't have to go on every trip together and that it's healthy to do some things separately. With that said, he said that he's STILL hurt that he wasn't invited. He said that since he's a teacher and he was going to be free during that time anyway because of summer break, it would have been nice to have been thought of and invited.
    via u/blunderous
  • 06
    Font - I'm frustrated because he doesn't make sense! He appears to be rational in his reasons of not wanting to go, but he's upset that he didn't get invited! Like, why does it make a difference if I invited him or not if he wasn't wanting to go anyway? In addition, we also had a week-long vacation visiting Chicago a month ago, so it's not like we haven't gone anywhere together. Does he have a right to be hurt or is he just overreacting?
    via u/blunderous
  • 07
    Font - TL;DR: My boyfriend is hurt that I didn't invite him on a trip to see my friends. He said he wouldn't have wanted to go anyway but would have appreciated an invite. Is he right to be hurt or he is overreacting?
    via u/blunderous
  • 08
    Font - ajt9814 He could be making rational reasons as to why it's ok that he wasn't invited, but he does have a reason to be hurt. Maybe he actually would have wanted to go and now he feels painted into a corner making the best of the situation. Also if I was him, when the trip was brought up I'd probably be waiting on you saying something about me going or wanting me to go I stead of being pushy and inviting myself.
    via u/ajt9814
  • 09
    Font - HesterFabian All he's trying to express is that he would have liked the invitation to be offered, even though he probably wouldn't have said yes, because then he would have felt included. He would have felt 'wanted'. It's very difficult to ask for that outright: please, am I wanted? Am I important to you, enough to include in your friendships?
    via u/HesterFabian
  • 10
    Font - ProgressiveWNY. Yep! And they could I have made the decision as a couple if this was one of the events they attend separately or together. He wants to be a couple... A pair... A duo that shares and communicates and decides together. It sounds like OP didn't know he didn't want to go before he made the plans. This isn't really about the trio. This is about their relationship.
    via u/ProgressiveWNY
  • 11
    Font - chelly56 Always extend the invitation. It's up to the invitee to choose whether to attend. First rule of etiquette. It applies to everyone.
    via u/chelly56
  • 12
    Font - chellibee most people just want to feel considered. like... maybe he actually is totally fine not going. but it sounds like you made that decision unilaterally without ever even asking him. he wasn't part of the decision making process at all and wasn't consulted in any way. obviously you're not required to consult him or ask permission but by not involving him at all in the process I can understand why he's feeling a bit put out.
    via u/chellibee
  • 13
    Font - think of it this way - replace the concept "never invited him" with the words "never asked him if he would potentially be interested". What it sounds like to me is that he's not upset that you didn't actively invite him on the trip. He's upset that he didn't factor into your decision making process at all. The invitation is something that happens after the assessment of interest in the activity. By checking in to see if there's interest, you signal to him that he is important to you.
    via u/chellibee
  • 14
    Font - There are a lot of people out there who don't necessarily feel comfortable inviting themselves on a trip just because you brought it up in their vicinity. When you're talking about the trip and explicitly not ever even seeing if he would maybe want to come I think that most people assume that means they are explicitly not invited. So now instead of showing him that you thought about him and his feelings and considered his position in your life, what you've effectively communicated is that
    via u/chellibee
  • 15
    Font - Toddler Tots NAH. You aren't required to invite him but I don't think he's being unreasonable. To bring up wanting to go would have been inviting himself along, which most people consider bad manners and wouldn't have wanted to do. Also, the fact that he wouldn't have wanted to go doesn't mean it isn't nice to be included/wanted. I absolutely hate parties, but I would be hurt if my friends didn't invite me to theirs.
    via u/ToddlerTots
  • 16
    Font - Karamist623 Dude! I feel your pain! My husband is extremely introverted and he says that while he wants to be invited, he would most likely NOT go. I invite him, and give him a due date that he needs to make a decision by. He usually tells me no, then I make my plans. Very rarely he says yes, but he just wants to know that he is invited.
    via u/Karamist623
  • 17
    Font - Vigstrkr Yup, you messed up. You didn't even offer him to opportunity to decide for himself and for him it's even worse than that. You didn't forget, you made a conscious decision not to invite him and he knows it.
    via u/Vigstrkr
  • 18
    Font - Barbiedip1 I think his feelings are valid, but....perhaps BF wasn't offered an invite because...he wasn't invited? OP's meeting up with old friends and his godchild. BF doesn't HAVE to be invited. My husband has told me a few times in the past, hey I think I'm going to make a trip to see my brother and dad (6 hour drive away). I say, ok cool! I don't pout and blame him for not inviting me.
    via u/Barbiedip1
  • 19
    Font - Graycy He's being open and telling you how he feels. Don't tell him his feelings aren't valid. That's not fair. He's being open and you want to be honest in your relationship. So explain your thought processes to him. Assure him you didn't mean to exclude him, you honestly figured he wouldn't want to go. Then maybe schedule a private holiday for just you two while he's on break.
    via u/Graycy

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

friends boyfriends relationships philadelphia Travel introverts college
Scroll Down For The Next Article